Sunday, 28 August 2011

I have a right to cheat

I am a serial cheater. Yes I said it, I cheat. I wish I could say it is because I have daddy issues or that a guy hurt me so bad that I started cheated because actually I cheated on that guy too. I have cheated on all the guys in my life, either emotionally or physically. Right before each relationship ended already I had moved on and in some cases to his best friend.

Judge me if you have the time but read on, I am not saying I don’t believe in monogamy. I have heard about it but it hasn’t worked for me. I have tried to disillusion myself that like Barbie I will find my Ken but thus far I have been unlucky. If you think about it, it’s kinda unfair to put some much pressure on one person. Perfection is a myth! So here is my theory. We all have a list of attributes that we look for in a guy. Most of the time a guy will have like 60%. Most girls will settle for this and work with what they have. I never settle. I want all of it, the whole cake. I take all their 40 to 60% combinations deduct their imperfections and the hassles of having to handle of them because trust me it can hard and end up with 110%. It’s worth it, well most of the time.

There is more to the twist, I don’t mind guys cheating on me as long as they are not putting me at risk of anything because I also accept that I am not perfect. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get jealous. Because I do, again I emphasize that I am only human. So, am I endorsing open relationships? No, actually quite the contrary I am not endorsing anything. To be honest I think those are also self-destructive. Besides that’s not cheating, the secrecy is the main ingredient.  

My point? Cheating is not as malicious as people make it out to be. It is an acceptance of reality. Essentially human beings are never truly satisfied with anything. Thus a bit of exploring may be the spice we need to appreciate what we have. It’s easy to leave someone because they cheat on you but it’s more worth it to explore why. To me cheating is not so clear cut as everyone makes it out to be. There is always more to it. So while I cheat I also believe that as some point I will stop, not because I will have met the perfect person but because all good things must come to an end. However until then I refuse not to drink water when I am thirsty.


“So, agm are you...are you gay?”

“Oh yes, darling, I am gay can’t you see?”  I have found that every day on campus seems to be a coming out day for me. Simply because as many have put it, “I don’t act gay enough” so this then means, I must always confirm people’s suspicions, because of my very flamboyant walk. 
This constant pressure of always having to come out and confirm people’s suspicions does at times get to me. Is it not possible for me to have a conversation with a new person without them having to ask me I am gay or not?
Should I dress more flamboyantly, apply makeup and be all drag so that all suspicions are confirmed, without anyone having to ask me if I am gay or not?
But however there is a personal encounter, which I will never forget in my life, it’s a story of how I got to meet my best friend. We were walking down Long Street, Cape Town. Like many eager first years, were tipsy and all we wanted to do was to have fun. We were still in awe of “Long” as it is called, the lights, the restaurants and clubs were fascinating. As we were walking, holding hands like we have been friends forever. She asked me, in a small and caring voice, whether I was gay. Those mere three words that we whispered to each other brought us together like no other drug. A connection was created, a blood link was joined and bone from my bone was created.
So next time if someone asks, you “so, agm, are you gay?” take a deep breath, and simply say yes. Exposing our vulnerability can lead to great friendships.